C

You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++

You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "that's me, over there."

370 JCL

You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Ada

If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."
-or-
The Departmemt of Defence shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarette.
-or-
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.

Algol

You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.

APL

You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened.
-or-
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

Assembly

You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.

BASIC

Shoot self in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue entire lower body is waterlogged.

BASIC (Compiled)

You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missle launcher.

BASIC (Visual)

You shoot yourself in the foot, but you're having so much fun doing it that you don't care.

CLIPPER

You grab a bullet, get ready to insert it in the gun so that you can shoot yourself in the foot, and discover that the gun that the bullet fits has not yet been built, but should be arriving in the mail REAL SOON NOW.

COBOL

USEing a COLT45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER, and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. Check whether shoelace needs to be retied.

Concurrent Euclid

You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

DBase (any version)

You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot yourself anyway.

DBase

You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next verson of the gun is the one scheduled to actually shoot bullets.

DBase IV version 1.0

You pull the trigger, but it turns out that the gun was a poorly-designed grenade and the whole building blows up.

English

You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.

Forth

yourself foot shoot.

FORTRAN

You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-processing ability.

HyperTalk

Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

LISP

You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

Machine Language

You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, gunpowder, the bullet, and your foot.

Modula-2

After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in the language, you shoot yourself in the head.
-or-
You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun.

Motif

You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Paradox

Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.

Pascal

You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun.... except that the bullet is not the right type for the gun and your hand is blown off.

PL/I

You consume all available system resources, including all the offline bullets. The Data Processing &Payroll Department doubles its size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops the original one on your foot.

Prolog

You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot, but the bullet, failing to find its mark, backtracks to the gun which then explodes in your face.
-or-
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain

Revelation

You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

scheme

You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... ...but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening.

sh, csh, etc.

You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours reading man pages before giving up. Then, after you foot falls asleep, you then shoot the computer and switch to C.

Smalltalk

You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.
-or-
After playing with the grapics for three weeks the programming manager shoots you in the head.

SNOBOL

You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to be a bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then changes your hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot).

SQL

You cut your foot off, send it out to a service bureau and when it returns, it has a hole in it, but will no longer fit the attachment at the end of your leg.

Unix

% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm *.o
rm:.o: No such file or directory
% ls
%

 

Compiled from various sources