Well, there are many answers to this, but here are the answers for the computer-literate...

NT Chicken

Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.

OS/2 Chicken

It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.

Win 95 Chicken

You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like ... chicken.

Win 98 Chicken

As expected, caused a crash while crossing.

Microsoft Chicken (TM)

It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.

OOP Chicken

It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.

Assembler Chicken

First it builds the road ...

C Chicken

It crosses the road without looking both ways.

C++ Chicken

The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.

VB Chicken

USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)

Delphi Chicken

The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.

Java Chicken

If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets)

Web Chicken

Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.

Gopher Chicken

Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.

Newton Chicken

Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket!

Cray Chicken

Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.

Quantum Logic Chicken

The chicken is distributed probabalistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your course.

Lotus Chicken

Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!

Mac Chicken

No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.

Al Gore Chicken

Waiting for completion of NCI (National Chicken-crossing Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it's finished, assuming he's re-elected and the Republicans don't gut the program.

COBOL Chicken

0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING

PowerChicken G3-300MHz

Crosses twice as fast as any Pentium chicken

Intel Pentium Chicken

Crossed 4.9999978 times.

Iomega Chicken

Should have backed up before crossing.

 

Compiled from various sources